Archive note

Paradise Lost is an unpublished fiction excerpt from an earlier period of my writing. It opens in Las Vegas with Jacob, a cab ride, an airport, and the strange beginning of something that feels larger than the moment itself.

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Paradise Lost
By Johnny Crow

Sitting back on a semi-slick leather seat of a cab that looked like it had rolled down a few hills, Jacob sniffed the stale air. The air smelled of something between patchouli and ass. He was not really sure whether to vomit or laugh. The driver rambled on about something in a half-broken dialect that seemed to resemble something Middle Eastern with just a hint of British slang. Not really paying attention, he just nodded his head, trying to relax enough to help the headache go away.

Rolling down the window to peer up at all the bright lights, he wondered if the people who came to this city were attracted to the lights like a moth is attracted to a flame. It all seems bright and pretty until you get too close and get burned. I suppose that’s why they call this the city of lost souls. Las Vegas, home to everyone the rest of society won’t take, the city of unwanted refugees. This was his home; he loved to hate it and hated to love it.

It seemed to him that in the city of sin, a cab is like a mobile confessional. The priests of a downtrodden society give us absolution by simply listening to our problems, no matter how many times they have heard them before. Talking to a complete stranger seems easier because they don’t seem to judge you, let alone know who you are. Your chance of ever seeing them again is about as good as leaving Vegas happy. It happens, but not very often.

He imagined now that the smell of ass in the car was a metaphor for all the shit that people left behind. The patchouli was perhaps a manifestation of all the pent-up sexual frustration we all inevitably go through, especially in a city where sex sells everything. Then again, he thought, it could be just something to help cover up the smell of ass. It didn’t matter; the cab finally arrived at its destination. He tipped the cabbie more than he should have and stepped out into the warm night, ready for anything that would come his way.

Looking up to read the signs, he carefully found Banal Airlines, which oddly meant bland, not some foreign and exotic country. He smiled at the thought of it. He caught a glimpse of it at the far end of the long row of check-in stations.

Upset now, he reasoned that cabbies seem to know where to go so long as it serves them a fare. Somewhat like a priest, he thought, taking tithings to guide you to everlasting life. Only problem is, you don’t know if it’s the right gate.

He grabbed his duffel bag, which the driver had kindly placed on the sidewalk before running off to his next confession. He found it amazing how you could fit your whole life into such a small bag and never really appreciate the humor in it. Remembering to make sure he had his ticket, he finally headed toward the beginning of a long adventure. He checked in and soon found a seat near the gate that seemed comfortable enough to sleep in until they called for passengers.

A loud sigh woke him abruptly. He lifted his hat to see where the noise had come from. A young, attractive girl sat with arms and legs crossed, with a sour expression on her face. She had obviously been crying. He quickly closed his eyes, hoping she had not noticed him. He really didn’t want to get involved in other people’s affairs. Unfortunately, she had seen him, and excitedly said, “Oh, you are awake. I am sorry to bother you. I just didn’t know what else to do. Could you please just pretend to know me? I’m trying to hide from someone, and I really need some help.”

Jacob stayed quiet, hoping she would find some other patsy to fall for her sob story and sad eyes. A moment later, thinking she had left, he felt a strong push. “I know you’re awake. So stop pretending to be asleep and help me!” she exclaimed, slapping his shoulder in a teasing fashion.

He sat up quickly and fixed his hat, looking her square in the eyes, and grumbled, “Fine! What is it you want? How did you know I was awake anyway?” She reached out her hand and laughed. “I’m Amber, and you are?”

“Jacob. The name is Jacob. But why are you bothering me?” he said, slightly aggravated, shaking her small hand and noticing the odd strength she had.

“Actually, Jacob, I really don’t need anything. I heard you snoring and thought it was cute. Then I noticed your ticket and saw you were on the same flight with me, and figured you would like to know they are about to call passengers,” she said in a hurried and excited way.

Jacob was angry but intrigued by this strange girl. He looked at her with a quiver of a smile escaping his lips. She had noticed and was happy she had done what she did. Jacob couldn’t help but look at her. She looked amazing, in a rugged, half-insane sort of way, he thought. Her hair was a mess of curls bouncing wildly around her small face. She had eyes that, he had an eerie suspicion, could peer right through you. Her small frame was unmatched by her obvious strength in personality and will. Jacob couldn’t believe he was thinking about a girl he just met in such detail. He barely ever noticed people, or rather, never would like to be noticed at all by most people. She smiled at him in a crooked smirk befitting any devious mastermind accomplishing their mission. He laughed and asked, “What are you smirking at?”

“Nothing, I just thought your furrowed brow was cute. You seem to be thinking rather hard on something. What is it?” Amber asked in a modest, childlike way.

He thought for a moment longer, and with a questioning voice he asked, “Nothing much. I was just wondering why you went to such lengths to get my attention. I mean the fake tears, the pouted lips, the sad blue eyes, and last, the messy hair. Why such attention to detail when you could have easily just shaken me awake and said, ‘Hey, your flight is being called?’”

She looked a little upset now. She crossed her arms and turned slightly away, reminding him of a surly girl who didn’t get what she wanted for her birthday. She finally spoke, half defensive and half apologetic. She said, “Well, first of all, I was only doing you a favor. Secondly, my hair is not messy, it’s just… natural. I can’t do anything about my sad blue eyes, and the rest… well, it’s just that I thought if you saw a pretty girl in need, you would talk to her. I really wanted to talk to you, OK. There, I said it. I liked you and didn’t know how to approach you.” She put her face in her hands from embarrassment and sobbed, “So I understand if you don’t want to talk to such a dork.”

He saw her hopeful eyes peek out from her soft hands, waiting for him to apologize. Suddenly the intercom overhead rang out, “Calling all passengers for Banal Airlines, Flight 433. Please report to gate B6.” Jacob grabbed his coat and bag and headed for the gate. He paused shortly and turned around toward the most beautiful and quite possibly the craziest girl he had ever met. Grabbing her bag, he threw it over his shoulder and held out his hand toward her. “Oh, come on, Amber. Take my hand. You’re not going to miss our flight, are you?”

She looked up, tears in her eyes. She wiped them away and asked, “Are you saying you don’t care that I did all that corny stuff just to get your attention?”

He laughed and said, “I actually thought it was cute, a little corny, but cute nonetheless. Besides, if I didn’t want to talk to a dork, I couldn’t look myself in the mirror every morning and say, ‘Today, you find out where you belong. Today, you will become the man you are destined to be.’ If that isn’t being a dork, I don’t know what is.”

She reached out and let him take her hand in his and pull her toward his body, which is exactly where she wanted to be. Smiling at him, she reached up toward his face and leaned in. He was sure he was imagining this; he closed his eyes, and the hair on his body stood, waiting in anticipation with him. Suddenly her hand was on his shoulder. He took a breath, and she grabbed her bag and took off toward the gate. Turning back only to see him stammer awkwardly for a moment, she smiled. He shook off the awkward feeling and took off after her.

Standing in line waiting to board, the world went quiet. It reminded him of those moments in movies when something substantial was happening to the main character emotionally, and slowly soft music starts playing to represent the mood. To him, it was as if everything moved in slow motion. He noticed Amber at the front of the line, her smile as wide as could be, the soft curls of her hair dancing delicately off her face like a careful ballet. He knew in that moment that this was his beginning. Her, this flight, and everything surrounding them was where his life really began. He didn’t really know how he understood this, but it was as if his soul were aching to tell him the secrets of the world. He boarded the plane, waiting patiently like he never had before. He smiled at the nice attendant welcoming him on his journey. Drifting past the other passengers in the front, he noticed an odd man. Well, normal really. Something was out of place with him. He didn’t know what, but something just struck him as odd. The man was sweating profusely, but then again he thought, this is Vegas. He found his seat, aisle 22B. He looked down to see a grin as wide as the Pacific Ocean. Amber, seated in 22A, laughed at the serendipity of things. He couldn’t help but smile back and laugh. He stowed his luggage overhead, grabbed his notebook and pen, and sat down in his seat.

“What do you think the chances are that we would be sitting right next to each other and yet still meeting beforehand? It has to be astronomical, I bet,” babbled Amber, trying to strike up a conversation. “Well, you figure there are roughly 300 passengers on this plane, plus we would generally be in the same area, and also, given the fact that the average age of the rest of the passengers seems to be at least ten to twenty years older than both of us, I would say it was a pretty small chance,” he joked. Her face went pale, and it looked as though she were about to cry. “However, the chances of us having this good of chemistry, and also the chances of me actually liking you, were astronomical. Yet look at us now. Thick as thieves we are!” Her face lit up, and she hugged him. No words, just a hug. Longer than it should have been for most people, but oddly just right for both of them. Jacob couldn’t remember the last time he was hugged. Maybe third grade, he thought, but that was a case of mistaken identity from Becky Shoemaker, who thought he was Billy Johnson. A mistake he paid for with a slap in the face.

He shook off the memory and looked at Amber, wondering what she was thinking. She smiled at him and laughed. “That look on your face, such deep thought for such a young and handsome face.” Jacob lay back in his chair and smiled, eyes closed and relaxed. A sigh of relief left his body in a slow shudder. He spoke softly, not moving. “Good night.” She laughed lightly. “Good night to you too.” His eyes were heavy with the memories of the past, and slowly he slipped into his dreams, with only the soft rumbling of the engines to soothe him.